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I get email

I’d like to share with you all an email I woke up to:

Hello,

       How are you doing?  Am Mr.Underwood Robert And I would like to Place an Order for some Hardwood Flooring 3/4” x 3-1/4” Natural Oak Approximately 2000 square feet. what would be the price for supply only so that i can Quote you with the Quantity i want to order..Also what types of credit card do you accept as payment..? Thank you and reply ASAP.

 Best regards,

  Underwood..

You know something’s wrong when you actually HOPE you got a clever new Nigerian spam scam, because it would actually improve your faith in humanity over the alternatives. Assuming this isn’t one, this person managed to get my email address through my Twitter or blog without noticing that all I do is post and wax poetic (and my cock) about PORN.

But I decided to respond, regardless:

Dear Mr. Underwood,


While I’m happy to provide people the use of my fine wood, I fear you’ve somehow managed to track down my email address without properly reviewing the content of my blog to fully understand what I do here. My site, in fact, focuses far more specifically on the fixtures and connectors and uses for said wood than the wood, itself.


Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance.


Respectfully,


Clove

Hand jobs are highly underrated. But when performed masterfully like this, they’re an amazing part of sex. So good.

milkthatcock:

I like how she makes it clear by her uninterrupted stroking that this was just the first of many orgasms she plans to pull from his penis.

livingwood:

Hot. Sure would love to see this naked.
Hey, there’s a photo request: submit to me some high quality naked gymnast pics. Not the lame ones you see of some porn star trying to pretend to be a gymnast, but pics that are obviously of someone with training doing good splits like this, or really any typical gymnast post or move, but fully nude (or at least bottomless). Submit, or email them to clovehardwood(at)gmail.com and I’ll post the best ones. Anyone?
lovecurvygurls:
Zoom Info
Camera
Canon EOS 5D
ISO
800
Aperture
f/2.8
Exposure
1/200th
Focal Length
300mm

Hot. Sure would love to see this naked.

Hey, there’s a photo request: submit to me some high quality naked gymnast pics. Not the lame ones you see of some porn star trying to pretend to be a gymnast, but pics that are obviously of someone with training doing good splits like this, or really any typical gymnast post or move, but fully nude (or at least bottomless). Submit, or email them to clovehardwood(at)gmail.com and I’ll post the best ones. Anyone?

lovecurvygurls:

(Source: cambriafightclub)

Aw, come on. You’re going to stand there naked, showing off your tits, but you’re going to cover your pussies? Not cool. What’s the difference? Besides, they’re harder to see than your tits. Just let us get a full look at the little we can make out. Such a tease. And yet here I am, staring and imagining how adorable those pussies are. So I guess the pic worked for me on some level…

EDIT: This was apparently my 3000th post. Woohoo!

pikks:

two crazy selfshot girls

See, she knows exactly how to give a blow job. His head is firmly planted within the suction of her mouth (they don’t call it sucking cock for nothing), and her hand is going to town. This is especially how a girl FINISHES a blow job. Expecting your guy to jack off into your mouth is NOT a blow job. YOU make him cum. All the porn videos with the money shots at the end get this wrong.

lcove2000:

I know u like this…NSFW 18+

myothertumblrisntsecret:

do this to me…

Great, powerful, impressive cumshot. Unfortunately almost all of it missed her mouth, but it still painted her face nicely.

Okay, this one’s pretty weird, no doubt. I’m torn. I don’t like what the piercings have done to what was probably once a very attractive cunt. However, there is the off-chance it wasn’t that attractive to begin with, which might be why they were willing to take this risk. Either way, what I DO get a kick out of is the essentially built-in, semi-permanent chastity device. Clearly the piercings allow her to be fully tied up with no access. Assuming whatever’s used has a lock on the end, she’s at the complete and utter mercy of the keyholder to allow penetration, with no apparent workaround and no devices to attempt to slip out of. I do find that concept kind of hot.

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